No title necessary...

The intricacies of the present are daunting, yet uncontrollable in my mind. It’s to the point where I’m unable to compartmentalize the wrong from the right, all a blur at this point. I try to rationalize my life, predict the unknown, plan for what’s in sight, yet impossible all at the same time. It’s a viscous cycle confined by responsibility; can lead to mendacity and overall superficiality. The mind needs limits to avoid anarchy but the constriction is mayhem in and of itself. How do you find that balance between freedom and convention? Where is that fine line between too much and too little?

Maybe, just maybe, it’ll all come to me if I just let things be…

Kind of like my state of mind...

Oil Painting by AntyX

Pretty Things....

Photos by AntyX

"Sometimes, you just need something a little pretty to remember..."

Mourning this Day of the Unforeseen

Waking up to the unknown screams still seeming like an unreal dream… remembering the innocent cries, the whys, all the glassy eyes… A part of the city dies, along with many ties, will remain strong and never compromise…

Terror undeserved to those unreserved repeating time and time the holy verse… Living lives rather than being hypnotized unlike those of the wretched kind… Seems like yesterday I was shocked to realize the truisms of these unforgivable crimes…

Mourning this day of the unforeseen, praying the innocent rest in peace…

God Bless...

The Rain; The Lord's Crying Game...

My mind is drenched from the pouring rain
I feel you Lord through this crying game
Please hear me out despite the shame
Please hold me back before I go insane

The past is fierce
The present mundane
I look at a future unable to ascertain

My mind is drenched from this pouring rain
Your strident thunder,
I feel the pain...

Please listen to my words
My timid scream
Please help me understand
The unknown
The surreal

My mind is drenched from this pouring rain
Oh forgive me Lord
Forgive my make...

The rain; the Lord’s crying game...

Principles or regulations governing conduct, action, procedure, and arrangement

There are too many rules these days that chain our society, supposedly for the good of the whole... But really now, how many of them actually benefit mankind in the large scheme of things?
- The government inundates us with them…
- Religion hypnotizes us with them…
- Generations drown us in them…
And after all that, they’re always broken anyway… I’m sick of having my liberties laid out for me; quite the irony of ‘the land of the free…’

I received my condo ‘house rules’ manual the other day – 50 pages… 50 damn pages of rules for an apartment I coughed up 790K for…!

The two below undoubtedly take the cake...
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"Any bodily fluids in any common area..." Would this include defecating?

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Are you serious?

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Reading through the mediocrity made me quite conscious of the absurdity of frivolous procedure... So I took a walk around my neighborhood this evening and literally counted at least seven “NO” signs in one square block... Yes... SEVEN... Please tell me how these contribute to the well being of mankind?


Damn.... Not even to use the Rent-A-John?




What? Park where? Or does there have to be a sign for the sake of a sign...


Dudes... I was rollerblading there just the other day... What a waste...



Relax... I'm just parking...




Absolutely? Oh my!




Because one sign is just not enough...





It's a friggin' dog run!

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Catch my gist?

Boulevard of Broken Dreams... - Green Day

“I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone..

Read between the lines of what's fucked up and everything's all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone…”
- GD

To think that the city of New York is full of this… so empty, so sad…

Back to fantasy...

I had quite an eclectic conversation with D this afternoon about erotic fantasy… about what secretly makes our blood boil behind the routine of everyday life…. It was eye-opening and intensely liberating to openly express 'taboo' thoughts that are usually tucked away in the very far reaches of one’s mind… especially with a significant other.

What if mental prohibition was actually realized? Anonymous encounters, voyeurism, threesomes, swinging, public eroticism, bondage… the list goes on…. Would the thrill remain solid? Would the actual idea remain as alluring as the mind portrays? These questions will constantly churn in one’s mind and without exploration of these untapped whims, they will undoubtedly remain unanswered, regardless of preconceived notions…

Sexual charge and fire; taking the lust to another level to intensify what already exists… I crave to untie the knot of inhibition that holds us back from the unknown… the unknown which to most is as frightening as sin….

The point of no return has arrived, welcomed with exhilaration and open arms… I can’t truly articulate what I don’t know but can still await the infinite possibilities with sheer anticipation…

A very possible instigation to an untouched part of oneself….

Normalcy

Normal (nôr'məl)

• Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical
• Functioning or occurring in a natural way; lacking observable abnormalities or deficiencies.
• Something normal; the standard:
• The usual or expected state, form, amount, or degree

Normalcy (nôr'məl-sē)

• the quality or condition of being normal, as the general economic, political, and social conditions of a nation; - being within certain limits that define the range of normal functioning
• expectedness as a consequence of being usual or regular or common

So back to the inquiry of what normalcy really is since the definitions listed above from the American Heritage Dictionary don’t mean crap.

The idea is subjective therefore does not exist as a quantifiable entity….Who are we to judge what normality is? Is it what we’ve been brought up to believe? What society constrains us with? What religion defines…?

The average and the common are considered normal. But this is undoubtedly unsatisfactory and incomplete. Conforming to social edicts and mores does not by any means guarantee normalcy. Think about anomic societies and periods of history such as Hitler's Germany or Stalin's Russia. Model citizens in these hellish environments were the criminal and the sadist – the abnormal….

My very subjective definition of Normalcy: BALANCE. And how many of us are truly balanced?

I've caved in...

Back to where I was 4 months ago but not... I've missed this, the freedom involved in articulating infinite thoughts, unreal desires and intimate idealizations. So, I'm back and starting with....

Him...
A desired fantasy of a human being

The way he makes me feel, touching my skin in a way so real, easing me inside with such passionate sighs, filling my void, whispering words of desire, making me sweat, taking me high, capturing my soul, my mind, his indescribable smile, his sparkling eyes, gently, he takes me from behind, making me cry, not out of sorrow, out of divine, he thinks so deep, is quiet inside, refusing to break out tension from the past, he's come a long ride, actions tell me louder than any words shall say, his dreams, his desires, making them come to life with such fire, no riches involved, no dependence at all, he knows what he wants and so he strives, his love for me, our life, his selflessness to himself and I, our world, allowing me to unconditionally love him, with no blinks, no turns...

I came across this poem that I wrote two years ago and made me think of fantasy and it's existence or lack thereof... Why does the mind create images and entire stories of a life you don't have? People you've never met? Desires you can't attain? Ideas lacking any conceivable realism? Most of which are all symbols of unattainable pleasure, pleasure that reality does not bring. "Follow your dreams..." they say. If we truly followed our dreams (which arguably are mere fantasies), we'd likely end up in jail, divorced, alone, diseased, or dead....

Just a few thoughts to welcome me back... :-)

Cheers....